I don’t know why but I always manage to fall for the picture of the product and then feel disappointed when the article inside the packaging looks nothing like the advertised picture.

You really would think that, by now, I would have learned the truth about advertising but no, I fall every time.

Take fast food……the ad shows a hamburger as a sizzling piece of golden brown meat, with a piece of melted cheese, tomato and lettuce lovingly arranged and perfectly assembled on a freshly baked bun, each layer perfectly formed and begging to be sampled. You take your tray grab napkins and ketchup and sit down, ready for the feast.  Open the wrapper and their lies a very tired looking bun that has slid over to one side exposing a smeary mess of unripe tomato, wilted lettuce, cold cheese and a greasy patty all covered in a beige goop that has been lovingly described as “secret sauce”.

It is not just food that disappoints and is nothing like the picture on the box.  How often have you bought something that is shown in the store as something all assembled and ready to go.  The reality of the contents of the box is several pre drilled boards of something that never grew in the forest, a bag of assorted size screws, two pieces of plywood a strangely shaped piece of metal and an instruction sheet in seventeen languages.  It is at this point that I wonder if I should wait until Dave comes home but the job looks simple enough so I begin the assembly.

When you concentrate on the instructions, which are roughly translated from Portuguese, or some other language you do not understand, you find that the strange piece of twisted metal is actually to be used as some sort of screwdriver, well, you live and learn.  The picture shows an exploded version of the bookshelf you thought you had bought, however, when you try to line up your pieces in the same pattern as the drawing, you find the screwholes do not match up, hmmm.

Quite a few tries of assembling the puzzle later and you come to the conclusion that the holes have been drilled in the wrong place, so you try your hand at using an electric drill and make some fresh holes.  The pieces now line up but you have used a rather larger drill bit than was necessary so the screw rattles a bit in it’s hole.  Never mind, it is holding together so you really tighten the screws as much as possible to avoid the rattle.

You now stand your masterpiece upright and take a step back to admire your handiwork.  It looks wrong and on further inspection you discover the middle shelf is upside down and the unfinished side is facing out.  Maybe I should have waited for Dave but I will not admit defeat.  However, the screws are so well screwed in place that getting them to loosen up results in two broken fingernails and a gouge out of my thumb by the stupid thing masquerading as a screwdriver.  I say a few words that are not part of my public vocabulary and, very grudgingly, admit defeat.  On Dave’s arrival, he tries really hard not to smirk but in a rather condescending way he finishes the job.

I don’t know who I hate more the furniture manufacturer, the sales assistant who sold me the product or Dave for making it look so easy.  At this moment, I hate everyone and everything and I especially hate myself for failing at this simple task.  Oh well, only one thing to do, make some coffee and take a book out on the deck and have a good sulk.  That is one task that I can do perfectly!