Kids seem to learn right from the cradle that the best way to get you own way is to manipulate your parents by the age old trick of Divide and Conquer.

Our four daughters soon cottoned on to the fact that dad was a really easy target and mom was the enemy. Little girls soon learn that dads just cannot cope with tears and at the first sight of a trembling bottom lip, dad will cave in.

SCENE ONE..This was a regular conversation in our house………

Child..mom can I go out to the movies? Mom..not on a school night

Child..awe, everyone else is going. Mom…sorry but you aren’t.

Child..it’s not fair, I’m the only one who will not see the film. Mom..tough

Child..why can’t I go? Mom…because you do not go out on school nights.

Child..but why not? Mom..because I said so.

Child flounces out, comes back two minutes later and starts again.

Child…dad says I can go if you will let me. Mom..goes to have a wee word with dad.

Child…so can I go? Mom..NO.

Child…but dad says I can. Mom..dad is not here to drag you out of bed at 7.00 am. to get ready for school, so he doesn’t get to say yes. Child…it’s so not fair!

And once again, mother is the spoiler of fun, the miserable person who cares nothing about their child’s happiness, the dragon who doesn’t understand that mine is the only child, for miles around, who will not be going to this movie and so will be left out of the whole group. In fact, mother gets so fed up of the abuse being hurled upon her that she sends the child to bed, confirming the opinion that she really is the meanest mother in the whole town. Mom and dad then have a rather heated discussion on the agreed rules of the house that dad conveniently forgot when confronted by his trembling lipped daughter.

This moves mom’s status to also being a miserable wife as well as a mean mother, for some reason she then takes herself to bed, in a bit of a snit. Dad doesn’t see what he has done wrong and convinces himself that his wife gets upset for nothing, strange woman!

SCENE TWO. Teenage daughter going to the mall with friends.

Dad..have you seen what she is wearing? Mom..yes, why?

Dad..she can’t go out in that short skirt.

Mom..It’s Saturday morning, she is with a group of friends and they are all wearing the same type of clothes.

Dad…But she is almost showing her knickers.

Mom…they are going to the mall, will be home before dinner and she will be perfectly safe.

Dad…I do not want her to go out in that short skirt. Mom..then tell her that.

Dad….slinks off muttering and says nothing about the short skirt. Apparently it is great for me to play the dragon, but not his cup of tea.

Parenting is a difficult job. We do not get any training for it but have to go with our gut instinct, and try to find the balance of giving our children enough freedom while hoping that the lessons you have tried to teach them, have sunk in and will be remembered.

Now that all our daughters are parents themselves, they are in the same position of playing bad cop/good cop. If you are the parent who always has to be the bad cop, it is a hard role to play. How much easier to just give in and be a “good” mom, but personally, I think to be a really good mom, you have to be part dragon.

So much easier being a grandma, when I get asked for a particular treat, I always say “ask mom first”. Let her be the dragon, My fire breathing days are over!