One thing I haven’t talked a whole lot about was the attitude that we were expected to display. In the Edmonton church, the pastor would walk into the building where everyone was gathered and say, ” attitude check !” Our response was to look at him and smile and say, “praise the Lord !” That would happen several times a month. Of course we didn’t know when, so we always kept ready for his surprise command.
Expressing our spirituality in everyday conversation was demanded as well. There were many expressions such as God is good, praise the Lord, thank you Jesus, glory to God, amen brother/sister amen. Don’t get me wrong, those expressions are all good, but we were expected to use them all the time and we did.
Even in our prayers which we spoke out loud to a group, we spoke the name of Jesus, God, Father, Lord, many many times. An example of how we spoke to God would be to say, “Jesus, we thank you Lord for today God, and Jesus, help me Lord to be in thoughtful prayer Lord for those in need Father, and Jesus keep me Lord on the right spiritual path Father amen”.
When I speak to my friends I don’t say, ” hi Jim, how are things Jim? Thank you Jim for inviting me Jim. And Jim, say hi to your wife Jim for me Jim. Then why do we think it is right to speak God’s many names over and over again when we pray in public? Are we demonstrating how spiritual we are or are we just nervous to be speaking in front of people?
With the groups I belonged to, we had to constantly prove our spiritual awareness to everyone we were with, both in Edmonton and in Walla Walla.
In 1992, the group in Edmonton, the PPCE had a huge split. Of 600 people, 400 left. Of the staff, they lost all the teachers in the ACE Christian school as well as the principal, the church administrator, the 2 church secretaries, the music director and the youth pastor.
After the drive by shootings ceased, my wife had a serious falling out with PJF, and she needed a costly operation and we hadn’t any health insurance on her. We made the decision to move back to Canada. We chose Red Deer because Lynda had family there and we didn’t want to endure the results of the split in Edmonton.
In December of 1994 we returned to our home and native land. We attended the local control church in Red Deer. Lynda was fed up with the control churches and chose to attend an Alliance church in Red Deer. I stayed in the control church but because I wasn’t well known became a wallflower.
Several major events occurred during the next two years. I joined up with Toastmasters International, which is a non profit group that gives you leadership skills and teaches you how to speak in public. I also linked up with Shaw Cable and their Community Broadcasting channel which trained volunteers in all the aspects of broadcasting on television.
Our marriage was encountering many difficulties so we both attended group therapy, but in separate groups because Lynda started going first and by the time I decided there would be a benefit to me, her group was full.
The church had always taught me that I was not okay because I was a sinner saved by grace. Therefore, in order to maintain an attitude of humility I could not be okay, because hell fires were just a moment away waiting to suck me in.
The group therapy showed me that I was okay, that in spite of the things I’ve done, I’m still okay. That was the truth I needed to set me free. With the Toastmaster skills, I became a questioner. With the Shaw Cable skills I began to see less of me and more of the world around.
The control church attendance came to an end, when the pastor commanded all the congregation to go on their knees and repent for back biting, gossiping, and criticizing the church leadership. I could not agree and go on my knees.
Toastmasters had taught me that constructive criticism is one of the building blocks of growth. To see the pastor end his own growth because of perceived threats, was more than I wanted to put up with.
I went to the Alliance Church that Lynda Attended. It was around that time that my marriage fell apart. Shortly after that happened, I was sitting in church one morning, the service had just begun. The senior pastor strode up to the mic and broadcast an announcement. He said, ” there is a man sitting among us this morning who has just left his wife! I want that man to come down here to the front and repent now !”
There was silence in the auditorium, nobody moved. I began to get angry! How dare he do this! He has not spoken with me on this. I understood compassion and that was what he felt for me, but this was not the time to take action. I let him stew in his appeal. Several more times he gave his appeal to ” that man ” but ” that man ” didn’t move.
After the service I composed a letter of complaint to the board of directors that the pastor was out of control. I didn’t return to that church again. I tried several other congregations but just couldn’t do church any more.
continued next week