Flashback to one of Pat’s earlier columns –

Is it just me or does everyone have bad luck with so called “Miracle” products?

Erma Bombeck once wrote that the grass is always greener, over the septic tank.  I find the opposite to be true.  We have a large septic field and, because of the depth of sand and gravel over the pipes, our ground drains rapidly leaving the grass permanently yellow and weedy.  Most of the lawn is OK but the grass over the septic tank looks neglected and sad.

Last fall I decided I had had enough of the miserable looking area so I went to Canadian Tire, invested  $300 cash and half an hour’s time, discussing the merits of various combinations of weed killer/grass fertilizer products.

Keeping an eye on the weather program, for a favourable long term forecast, I eventually spread my granules over the problem area.  I then sat back and waited for Mother Nature to do her work.

Within ten days or so the weeds certainly began to look sick and died off, I looked forward to spring, when the new, lush crop of grass would appear.  March, then April rolled around without much result but then, all of a sudden, the ground turned green and I had a wonderful crop of dandelion leaves and the resplendent gold of the cheerful flowers.  Of grass, there was no sign.

I honestly do not mind dandelions.  I pay good money to buy marigolds, which are very similar, so I am happy to have whatever pretty thing grows on my lawn.  I have no conscience about decapitating them each week, with the lawn mower, but never actively go out to destroy them.  One of my neighbours is fanatical about his lawn and is constantly waging war on his dandelions.  He has special tools for the job and there never seem to be more than two of them allowed to grow, before he is out there, digging them up.

To me this seems a bit of a fool’s errand as he is surrounded by orchards, vineyards and us, who all have wonderful displays of the yellow beauties, followed by millions of white seed heads, bobbing about in the breeze and spreading themselves freely to one and all.

I was not unduly phased by the sight of dandelions in my, supposedly, weed free environment but I was not thrilled to find that I didn’t have one single blade of grass.  The expensive stuff, I had so diligently applied, was supposedly a weed and feed and, to my mind, it had done neither.  Well, technically, it had fed the weeds but this was not my aim.  My visions of a “Home and Garden” type lawn were not to be.

Determined to have some weed-free greenery outdoors I set to with rake and gloves and pulled out the dandelions, raked the ground well, bought some nice top soil and raked in new grass seed.  Not just any old, cheap stuff but what was advertised as “golf green” quality.

For the next month I gently watered the new seeds, chased the cat away when she decided it looked like a nice place for a litter box, and generally cosseted  the area along.

Well here we are, it’s the middle of summer and I can sit and watch the newly grown crop of dandelions and other weeds that came up, along with a bit of grass.  They grow so well that I have to mow that area twice as often as the untreated lawn.

I figure that with the weed and feed granules, the top soil, the extra water going through the meter and the new seed, not to mention my time and energy, this new crop of dandelions cost us about $500.00.  No way am I going to waste that size of an investment so, if anyone is looking for some good quality plants, just give me a call and I will sell you some, at a reasonable price.  I do not mind sharing, after all, I have such a great crop.