‘TIS THE SEASON…………………………………….by Pat Whalley

On 14th December Dave and I will have been married for 52 years.  Like many wives and mothers it always fell to me to look after birthdays and anniversaries.  This I used to enjoy doing for many, many years.

However, once our children were married with children of their own, I found that  Christmas gifts were harder to shop for.  The grandkids were fine and told me what they were hoping Santa would bring them, but I found my adult children and their spouses were harder to buy for.

In addition to close family were all those extended family members that were on my list.  I began to dread Christmas shopping when finding meaningful gifts for people with such eclectic tastes had turned from a joy to a chore.

I used to write letters and cards to over forty people in England and this chore I started in September so I would have all done in time for mail out in mid November.  I used to enclose photos of the family, to keep our friends and relatives up to date on our lives.

The whole thing got to be a chore and I truly had lost the spirit of why I was doing it all.  It wasn’t fun and it didn’t feel like sharing joy, just another job to be got through.

One of our daughters had always been out of step with her three sisters and ourselves, we had gone through family counselling and many years of “walking on eggshells” with her, trying to keep the peace and family harmony.

She had problems in her early teens but, after some years of feeling better about herself, she found a good partner and had two lovely children.  However, after several years she went downhill and started on drugs, mild at first then in to serious addiction.  She lost her partner and then her children, we could do nothing for her as she refused to let us into her life.  All I could do was to pray and this I did almost constantly.

Over the years she went further into despair and degradation and endured spousal abuse from her drug dealing boyfriend.  The final result was a broken back and severe internal injuries.  However, the event that nearly took her life actually saved it.  The months spent in a body cast, confined to bed, got her clean of drugs and gave her the determination to fight her way back.

The awful event had taken place in June and when it got closer to Christmas I informed my family that I wanted no gifts for Christmas that year or in future, instead I wanted donations made to women’s shelters as I knew that there were so many women who had been in the same circumstance as my beloved girl had been but had no family to help them get their lives back together.

The whole family agreed this was a great idea and from that day on none of us have been Christmas shopping for each other, we just donate to where we think it will be of most use.  This is our ninth year of Christmas giving, not Christmas buying.  Of course the younger grandchildren still get gifts but for every new thing they receive, they have to give one thing away.  They also find joy in giving their toys to needy children, who may not get another gift from Santa.

At the time, I thought we were doing a good thing for our  communities but, as the years have gone by, I realize that it is a gift that makes our lives so much easier.  Instead of spending weeks trying to find gifts for people who do not need anything, we give to those who may have nothing.  It is amazing how much easier life is when I don’t have to spend hours wrapping gifts that nobody really wants or needs.  I have found that giving to others is a gift to myself as well.

A couple of years ago I realized that I no longer wanted to continue writing letters to enclose in Christmas cards for England.  I wasn’t interested in what their grandchildren were doing and realized that they would not be interested in reading about mine, so I stopped the letters and then stopped the cards.

If sending Christmas greetings is a chore then why am I doing it?  I hadn’t seen these people for over forty years and it was time to let go, so apart from a few close friends, I did.  I now just send cards to those people who are alone and will value and enjoy a card.

I am proud and happy to say that our daughter has completed nine years of a drug free life.  She got her children back and found a lovely man who adores her.  Life has not been easy for her but she is managing and that is good.

So, if you want to make Christmas easier on yourself, get out of the rat race and give to where it is needed and appreciated.  As a child, I learned in Sunday school that if you put Jesus first, Others next and Yourself last, you will find JOY.  It is true.