CHILDREN WHO WITNESS ABUSE by Chad Tiegen
This is the 1st in a series of articles inspired by V-Day, a global movement to stop violence against women and girls.
A young boy lays in his bed, very aware that there is a noise, a loud and chaotic sound, coming from the kitchen. Beyond his door there is a rumbling, scraping, a yell, movement and then silence. It is three hours past his bedtime; he cannot fall asleep for fear that he might be woken by another scream or scuffle. Frozen to hear each sound, and holding his breath, he strains to catch the audible whimper like last time, a noise that twisted his tummy up so much that he felt sick. He clutches his knees and his stuffed bear for safety. His parents are fighting again.
For many children, safety is taken for granted. For others, safety is known as a time of relief from what they experience often, a time to not provoke another angry episode.
Over 40,000 incidents of spousal violence are reported to police in our nation per year. That’s about 12% of all violent crime in Canada. Since only 22% of all incidents are reported to the police, the real number is much higher. Each year in Canada, an estimated 360,000 children witness or experience family violence.
Effects on Children ~ Although adults may think “the kids don’t know,” this appears to be wishful thinking. Research shows that children see or hear 40 to 80% of domestic violence assaults. Children who witness violence in the home have twice the rate of psychiatric disorders as children from non-violent homes. With this trauma, the brain and body go on high alert, and the person feels a fight or flight response. Long-term exposure to these traumatic events can affect children’s brain development and ability to learn, and lead to a wide range of behavioural and emotional issues such as anxiety, aggression, bullying, phobias, and insomnia. These long-term effects can easily extend into adulthood. According to the RCMP, a child who witnesses spousal violence is experiencing a form of child abuse; research shows that “Witnessing family violence is as harmful as experiencing it directly.”
The opening scenario with the young boy would continue with him going to school, struggling to concentrate, unable to learn as other children are able. His mind and body are restricted to `high alert`, experiencing anxiety where survival and fear trumps any new educational concepts taught to him. New ideas from the curriculum are more of a threat than novelty to tackle; it would be like trying to read a textbook with a lion roaring next to you! Conflict on the playground, for a child who witnesses violence, is a time to replay maladapted conflict resolution than opportunity to healthfully problem solve.
The Benefits of Counselling: It’s Brain ‘Surgery’! In the last month alone, Desert Sun Counselling and Resource Centre treated 22 children and youth in the Children Who Witness Abuse Program (CWWA). The goals of the CWWA are to provide a safe and playful setting for young people to discuss their trauma and learn to manage their response to their exposure to women experiencing violence. The goal is to interrupt, and break the cycle of intergenerational violence. This is done at a level they are developmentally capable of, through talk, through play and through art therapy.
When relationships break down, disruptions do not go unnoticed to the young person living in the midst of it. Conflict may become heated; arguments at home can be intense. Difficult emotions such as guilt, trauma, anger, insecurity, and grief are all natural reactions to these breakdowns.
Therapy can be simply put as creating and maintaining an environment which restores wellness. Within positive, safe relationships, difficult feelings and experiences are processed and stories are retold. Thus the brain is able to overcome the difficulties, to bring the brain back to a sense of safety and calm. This is done through building self-esteem, through developing healthy coping strategies and to create a safer world. Young people in counselling begin to build their own voice, and create new stories of hope and healing. The counsellor also helps to develop parental awareness of how violence against women affects their children, and to support them to re-establish safety within the family system.
Children Who Witness Abuse Program ~ No one should go through this alone. There is help available! CWWA services support youth and children to express feelings in a healthy way and in a supportive environment. They learn they are not responsible for the violence, or to stop it. The counsellor helps to develop a safety plan, identify support networks, and identify cycles of violence. They also learn to recognize their strengths and increase their self-confidence. Children receiving counselling have shown remarkable improvements in their ability to sleep, to problem solve, to make and keep friends and to concentrate and express themselves in a healthy manner. Don’t hesitate to reach out for a lifeline if you or anyone you know may be in need of support. CWWA services available are free and confidential for the individual and family.
Stats source: Stats Canada website and Canadian Women’s Foundation: http://www.canadianwomen.org/facts-about-violence
Resources: Desert Sun Counselling and Resource Centre provides referral and advocacy services and counselling for women, men, children and youth: Oliver: 250.498.2538, Osoyoos: 250.495-2623, http://www.desertsuncounselling.ca/ South Okanagan Women’s Crisis Line: 250.485.7777 (Toll free 1.877.723.3911) Ministry of Children and Family Development: 250.485.6001 Victim’s Assistance: Oliver: 250.498.4353, Osoyoos: 250.495.7236 Mental Health: 250.495.6433 RCMP (Police): Oliver: 250.498.3422, Osoyoos: 250.495.2561
“Abuse Awareness and Prevention Series” Coordinated by: Ursula Wick, Oliver Please look for future educational articles that will run in this series.